We all face moments in our lives that shake us to the core—whether it's betrayal, loss, or the strain of difficult times. These events can have a profound impact not only on us but also on the relationships we hold most dear. What happens when hardship fractures trust and the relationships closest to us feel broken?
On That Sh*t Doesn't Define You, we explored just that with our special guest, Wendy Gibson, a certified life purpose coach and co-founder of Sacred Journey. Wendy opened up about her experience with betrayal and shared powerful insights into how she and her husband rebuilt their marriage after it was deeply impacted by a painful betrayal. Together, we unpacked the steps they took to heal, rebuild trust, and reconnect and how you can do the same in your relationships.
The Truth About Betrayal: It Doesn't Have to Be the End
Betrayal is one of the most painful experiences any person can go through. When someone we trust breaks that confidence, it can feel like the end of everything. But here's the truth: broken doesn't mean beyond repair. Just because a relationship has been damaged doesn't mean it's beyond healing.
Wendy shared how, after facing betrayal in her marriage, the decision wasn't whether or not to leave—it was how they could rebuild. She and her husband chose to face the pain head-on, confront the issues that led to the breach of trust, and recommit to the relationship with vulnerability and transparency.
If you feel like your relationship is broken beyond repair, let me assure you—there's hope. Healing is possible and can make your relationships stronger than ever.
The Science of Rebuilding Trust and Connection
Rebuilding trust is a process, but it can be achieved through consistent actions, vulnerability, and forgiveness. Let's break it down.
1. Trust Can Be Rebuilt Through Consistency and VulnerabilityWhen trust is broken, consistency and vulnerability are the building blocks of recovery. As Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, explains, couples who rebuild trust after betrayal do so by consistently being vulnerable with one another, practicing forgiveness, and meeting each other's emotional needs. Trust is rebuilt slowly, moment by moment, through intentional actions, not grand gestures.
Research from The Journal of Marriage and Family shows that relationships fail not because of conflict but because couples avoid addressing their issues. Healthy relationships are built on open communication and constructive conflict resolution. Facing conflict together, rather than avoiding it, strengthens the bond between partners.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in healing. It's not about excusing the hurt or forgetting what happened; it's about releasing resentment to free yourself from the past. Moreover, creating shared meaning in your relationship—by focusing on a common vision or goal—helps couples move forward together.
Actionable Steps for Healing Your Relationships
So, how can you rebuild trust and healing in your relationships after hardship? It starts with honest communication and consistent effort. Here are the practical steps to begin.
1. Start with Honest Communication
- Why It Works: Healing begins with a deep, open conversation. Both parties must be willing to talk honestly about the hurt, express feelings, and listen to each other's perspectives.
- What to Do:
- Schedule a time to talk without distractions.
- Use "I" statements to avoid assigning blame (e.g., "I feel hurt because…").
- Be honest about your emotions, but also listen deeply.
- Practical Tip: End the conversation by identifying one small step you both can take to move forward, such as agreeing to regular check-ins.
- Why It Works: Trust is rebuilt through consistent, intentional actions over time. It's about showing reliability and care daily, even in small ways
- What to Do:
- Create a list of small commitments to rebuild trust, like responding promptly to texts or keeping promises.
- Track progress together and celebrate small wins.
- Practical Tip: Use a shared journal or an app to track commitments and celebrate milestones. This keeps both parties accountable.
- Why It Works: Forgiveness isn't a one-time event—it's a practice. Every day, you have the opportunity to release resentment and choose peace over pain.
- What to Do:
- Reflect daily on whether you're holding onto negative emotions. Are these emotions serving you?
- Use mindfulness techniques, like journaling, to process lingering hurt.
- Create a forgiveness mantra to repeat when anger or pain surfaces.
- Practical Tip: Create a daily ritual to remind yourself that forgiveness is for your own peace.
4. Rebuild Connection Through Shared Activities
- Why It Works: Rebuilding connection involves creating shared experiences that allow you to bond in new, positive ways. Focusing on the future and your shared experiences can shift the focus away from the past pain.
- What to Do:
- Choose an activity you both enjoy, like cooking, hiking, or even something new and exciting.
- Commit to weekly connection time to nurture your bond.
- Practical Tip: Start a gratitude practice where you each share one thing you appreciate about each other every day.
The Bottom Line: Healing is Possible
No matter what hardship you've faced—whether betrayal, loss, or simply the weight of life's challenges—healing is not only possible but can actually strengthen your relationships. It's a process, not a destination, and it requires patience, consistent effort, and vulnerability from both sides.
If you want to explore this process further, I highly recommend listening to our interview with Wendy Gibson on That Sh*t Doesn't Define You, in which we discuss her journey of rebuilding trust and connection in her marriage.
You are not alone in this journey. Every relationship can heal and grow stronger, and it starts with you taking the first step.
